ADHD and Emotions- Turn Up the Volume
Collapsing into inconsolable sobs for 45 minutes when you lose your elementary school talent show competition; jumping out of your skin with excitement for your Friday night post-work happy hour plans and then feeling intensely crushed by a last-minute schedule change that didn't seem to bother any of your friends; burning up with anger and shame when your high school english teacher gives you a one-word correction on your ten-page project; feeling overtaken by strong emotions and certain that your worry, sadness, anger, or fear will last forever when you are in the middle of it.
Does this sound like you, your child, your spouse, your friend or family member? Your child is not irrational-- you are not crazy-- your loved one is not broken. Common popular knowledge of ADHD emphasizes symptoms of hyperactivity, trouble focusing on non-preferred tasks, impulsivity and organizational challenges, but did you know that emotions are also a huge piece of the ADHD puzzle? Emotional experience for those with ADHD can feel like being on a rollercoaster with incredible highs, crushing lows, and constant turns.
Why is this so? The unique wiring of the ADHD brain includes many gifts, but one primary area of challenge with ADHD is in a group of cognitive skills called executive function, which has to do with prioritizing, organizing, and task-shifting in all areas, kind of like air-traffic control telling us what to think about, do, or say next. Emotion regulation is also part of executive function; so, the same brain that struggles with inhibiting the impulse to move, hit, or talk or struggles with stopping an intense focus on video games to eat dinner also can struggle with stopping an emotion from escalating from annoyed to furious or with shifting focus away from an intense emotion once it starts. It's like the floodgates are a little lower for emotion, and the floods that come through are quadruple the force without end in sight.
I explained this in a lecture once as "the volume being turned up on everything." Someone with ADHD doesn't experience more, or different, emotions than someone without-- they just experience them all in a magnified way (not just happy but elated, not excited but giddy, not annoyed but furious, not disappointed but devastated.) The "hyperfocus" ability of the ADHD brain can also mean that people hyperfocus on emotion, making it pretty much impossible to think about anything else for the time that the emotion is present. In my estimation, this is not a bad thing. Being a "big feeler" is a gift! The flip side of being an individual with ADHD who feels their own feelings so intensely can often be a high level of sensitivity (to others' needs, to situations, to the world at large), empathy, and emotional intuition. Patience, appreciation, and remembering that all feelings pass but also that it is okay to feel them intensely, can be great tools. There's nothing wrong with being a big feeler-- in fact, I'd argue that these kids and adults remind others about how beautiful, heartbreaking, and wild human experience really is, without censoring! The work here is to learn to make helpful choices when flooded; not necessarily to turn off the floods.
Many parents of children with ADHD may struggle to understand how to best help their child cope with emotional floods, and many teens and adults may begin to wonder why their emotional reactions feel so intense compared to their peers and begin to worry as they internalize shame or negative messages about being too sensitive, too emotional, immature, or crazy. Understanding the brain-based reasoning behind this can be a huge help. Also a big help? Working with a therapist who understands ADHD and emotion. Together, we can celebrate big emotions and learn to ride the surf instead of drowning.
Read more:
Smart But Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD by Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D
"Exaggerated Emotions: How and Why ADHD Triggers Intense Feelings", ADDitude Magazine- https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-emotions-understanding-intense-feelings/
Authored by Miranda Pool, M.S.