by Elizabeth Chan

For some, the holidays are a time filled with copious amounts of laughter and joy, ornate décor, beautiful gatherings, and incredible memories with loved ones. Yet, for others, the holidays can be painfully challenging. This season can bring forth great dread and stress and can be the farthest cry from “the most wonderful time of the year.” Going home to see family for the holidays can mean stepping into the unknowns of polarizing political conversations, unsolicited advice-giving, and never-ending expectations. Perhaps you identify. This time of year can be difficult, and it can bring us back to the frustrated, angsty 14-year-old version of ourselves that we thought we left behind years ago. 

Thus, it’s important that we be mindful of our triggers and provide ourselves with the self-compassion necessary to navigate these challenging hurdles. To do so, here are some helpful tips we can apply as we approach the holiday season:

1)    Make plans ahead of time. Oftentimes, we believe that, by putting off a decision until later, we will feel better. Yet, how many times do we find ourselves carrying extra anxiety due to a plan left open-ended? When we wait until the last minute to solidify plans, we often become more susceptible to being tossed around by whatever requests or obligations come our way in the moment. Thus, it’s important to plan ahead and think through what we may or may not have the capacity for.

2)    List your expectations and needs. Many of us were taught that, when it comes to family, we are meant to give, give, give and that it is selfish to consider our own needs. Yet, denying our own needs and invalidating our feelings often lead to greater distress, higher levels of disappointment, and increased frustrations. Hence, to show up as our better selves, it’s important that we recognize what we hope to experience during the holidays and that we give ourselves the freedom to voice our needs to our loved ones.

3)    Create an exit strategy. Perhaps you’re aware of that moment four hours into the family gathering when conversation tends to take a turn and things begin going downhill. If you’re attending a potentially triggering family gathering with a loved one, it may be beneficial to discuss an exit strategy that allows you to signal to the other person when it is time to draw a boundary and remove yourself from the situation. Remember: It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to say no. It’s also okay to excuse yourself when you’ve reached capacity.

4)    Build your support network. When our immediate surroundings become overwhelming, it can be helpful to have someone we can reach out to, such as a friend or mentor, that understands our situation and can aid in distracting us or bringing us a sense of reprieve. It can also be helpful to talk with a trained individual, such as a therapist, who can help us process our feelings and work through moments that trigger us. 

The holidays can be a difficult time, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re in need of support and ideas for approaching this holiday season, feel free to contact us at NCTP. Our therapists would be thrilled to collaborate with you on ways to make this season yours.