by Chris Savoie

The Story of Your Life

All of our lives can be thought of and communicated as stories. When we were kids, stories in books seemed so straightforward and exciting. When people talked about our individual stories, often the tone was full of hope, optimism, and potential. So many different paths were available to us. As we have grown up, many of us started to have our stories written for us based on our successes and failures. Many of those potential paths were either closed to us or we chose to avoid them. With hindsight, many of our stories from our childhood look different. Perhaps we know the outcomes now, and wish we had made different choices. Alternatively, maybe someone we trusted did not have our best interest at heart. It can be difficult to fill in the gaps and learn that the full set of circumstances were different from what we experienced in the moment.

Reframing the Past

In counseling, we often refer to thinking of our life as a story as a major component of narrative therapy. The ideas above where we learn more about the story of our life can lead to reframing, where the tone or meaning of a story changes based on new information or decisions. Reframing itself is neither good or bad, but instead is a tool to be used when thinking about the story of our life. One of the exciting things about a tool is that we can learn to use it, and become an expert. Reframing is one of several narrative tools. Perhaps you have heard someone say “I would not change anything, as those experiences got me where I am today”. That is an example of reframing adversity into a path that led to a better life.

Authoring the Future

While reframing cannot change the past, it can help us change how our past affects our present and our future. Our future is not written, and often more paths are available to us than at first glance. In thinking about your own story, you still have so many pages and chapters yet to be written. It may be helpful to think of yourself as the hero of your own story. While heroes often win in the end, there are always moments where the outcome is in doubt and struggle is the dominant narrative. Yet we all know that perseverance, resilience, and finding support from the right combination of sidekicks and mentors will help the hero towards a better outcome. In the chapters of your life yet to be written, you have more power to influence how they are written than anyone else in the world.