Radical Acceptance
Written by Cole Putman
“Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.” Tara Brach
How can we sit in our reality with less emotional pain? Is there a better way through the hard things? Today, I want to talk about one of the paths – radical acceptance.
I first encountered the idea of acceptance as a tool in clinical treatment during the start of my graduate school program. I had truly never thought of acceptance as particularly powerful, much less as a way to move through and be in the world. Even then, it immediately resonated with me as something I wanted more of in my life. The following excerpt was my real introduction:
“Acceptance is not merely tolerance – it is the active nonjudgmental
embracing of experience in the here and now.” (Hayes, 2004, P. 656)
How enticing! In my own experience, anxious thoughts, doubt of self, and preoccupation with how things could be different took away presence and satisfaction from my life. Growing up, we take on so many messages of how we “should” be and how our lives should look. Beginning to see things through a lens of acceptance – not that I like what is happening, not that I think it is right or okay, but that I have the power to acknowledge that this is my current reality and choose a way forward.
My study and appreciation of acceptance was taken deeper as I studied Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and I deeply resonated with their utilization of “Radical Acceptance” in therapy. I really appreciate the way that DBT conceptualizes Radical Acceptance as an openness and willingness to acknowledge where we are, what situation we are in, and increase our awareness. Awareness of not only how we might be contributing to our situation, but also, increasing our awareness of alternate paths through. The following excerpt conveys this well:
“Radically accepting the present moment opens up the opportunity for
you to recognize the role that you have played in creating your current
situation. And as a result, it also creates an opportunity to respond to
that situation in a new way that’s less painful for you and others.”
(McKay et al., 2007, P. 51)
I like to think of utilizing radical acceptance as a way to offer ourselves a corrective experience. It is beyond an “it is what it is” mentality or a “oh well” attitude; it is a whole new operating system. And here is what I’ve found - that there is an inexplicable freedom that comes with choosing to accept yourself and your life.
In closing, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the courage it takes to accept your reality and yourself. I also want to acknowledge this isn’t a one-time fix, but a new way of operating in this life.
I offer you, right now, a deep breath as an invitation back to your body, back to your life.
& a small meditation affirmation for you as you go:
I offer myself acceptance as I am in this moment.
I offer my life acceptance as it is in this moment.
I offer others acceptance as they are in this moment.
I am choosing to accept this very moment and to embody it with my life.
Additional Resources:
Songs for Radical Acceptance:
“Better Way (Ben Harper Cover) (Live)” by The Chicks
“That’s The Way It is” by Celine Dion
“Hank & Georgia” by Twain
“I Know A Place” by Muna
Further reading: